Second Puberty (and I Don’t Remember Signing Up for This)
I don’t even know how to explain this without sounding dramatic… but something has felt off.
Not “I didn’t sleep well” off.
Not “I need a vacation” off.
Like… I don’t fully recognize myself some days.
One minute I’m fine, the next I feel anxious for no reason. Not even anxious about something—just this underlying sense of dread sitting in my chest like it’s waiting for me to figure out why it’s there.
And the guilt? That’s been the weirdest part.
Nothing is actually wrong, and yet I feel like I’ve done something wrong. Like I’m behind, or failing, or disappointing people… and I can’t even tell you where that feeling is coming from.
It honestly reminds me of postpartum in a way I wasn’t expecting.
That same emotional roller coaster. That same “why do I feel like this?”
That same quiet fear of, is this just who I am now?
And then on top of it, I don’t feel like myself physically either. The things that used to work don’t hit the same. My patience is thinner. My tolerance is lower. Little things feel bigger than they should.
And then comes the spiral…
Do other people notice this?
Do I seem off?
Am I harder to be around?
Because if I’m being honest, there are moments I don’t even want to be around me.
And that’s a hard thing to admit.
What’s even harder is trying to explain it out loud without sounding like you’re just not handling life well.
So most of the time… I don’t.
I just keep going. Keep showing up. Keep telling myself to get it together.
But something about this feels deeper than that.
The best way I can describe it is this—second puberty.
Because it feels like my body is changing again, my emotions are louder again, and I’m trying to figure myself out again… except this time I have responsibilities and people and a life that doesn’t pause while I sort it out.
And no one really talks about it like this.
No one really says, “hey, you might feel a little unsteady for a while.”
“No, really—you might not feel like yourself at all.”
So if you’re in this phase and quietly wondering what is going on… I don’t have some perfect explanation or fix.
I just know this:
If you feel a little all over the place…
If the emotions feel heavier than they should…
If there are moments you don’t recognize yourself…
You’re not the only one.
we should’ve never taken that fruit… because this feels personal.
But also… I’m starting to believe this isn’t the unraveling I thought it was.
Maybe it’s just a shift I don’t fully understand yet.
Maybe it’s a phase that feels chaotic, but isn’t permanent.
Maybe it’s not that I’m becoming someone unrecognizable…
maybe I’m just being asked to learn myself in a different way.
And for now, that has to be enough.
To give myself a little more grace.
To not assume the worst about who I’m becoming.
And to trust that this version of me—however unfamiliar it feels right now—is still me.